Erectile dysfunction and problems with erection - what men do when they cannot get an erection

Coping strategies men use when they have an erection problem or they cannot get erect due to erectile failure

Find a new partner

I have lost count of the men who said they loved their partner but they just had to find out if a younger woman (or a more attractive/sexier/understanding/happy/loving/caring one) would help them get an erection again - in other words, asking if youth might be a cure for erectile dysfunction. This can seem especially appealing if you're not in such a great relationship. If you've tried this, then I hope it worked for you, and I hope you found that your penis did all you asked of it. But the chances are that it didn't - and even if it did, where does that leave you when you go back to your full-time partner, the one with whom you originally had the problem? Even if you now suspect the problem lies with her, not you, this is still something you now have to deal with.

Try Viagra for a firmer erection

Depending on the circumstances in which you lost your capacity to stay erect, this can actually be a satisfactory answer. I had a friend who found a younger girlfriend when he and his wife split up. Unfortunately she was obsessed with sex, wanting intercourse many times a week (well, to be accurate, a day). While this sounds like an older man's dream woman, it wasn't long before he found he was too exhausted to get an erection - and after discovering he couldn't become erect  on one occasion, the same thing happened next time....and the next.......and the next. After an agonized phone call to me and a quick dose of Viagra as a result, he found his penis hard and his erection surprisingly long-lasting next time. That was all he needed to restore his confidence and get him back to full working order.

New sexual "pleasure"

Watching porn and masturbating to it, "talking dirty" during sex, getting her to wear "sexy" clothes, using extreme fantasy, sucking desperately on her vulva or breasts, trying things like BDSM....all this, and more, can be a way of stimulating yourself when you experience erectile failure. After all, it seems logical: the more stimulation you get, the more aroused you'll be, right? Wrong.

The fear that lies behind your erection problem, and your fear about not being able to have sex, may be so great that when you do have sex you just ejaculate quickly, or you feel very unfulfilled after you've ejaculated, perhaps because you were more obsessed with the process than with your partner. Sex without emotional connection, as we all know, is not as good as sex with an aroused, engaged partner. Indeed, it's little better than vaginal masturbation.

Avoid sex altogether - that way there's no problem with erectile dysfunction!

Well, it's a strategy that some men use, but I strongly advise you to avoid it. Men are not designed to go without sex. You know that really. It's part of who we are at our most fundamental level, and I don't believe a man can feel complete unless he is able to have fully-erect sex. Besides which, if you use this strategy with your partner, it's probably the first step on a rocky road to divorce.

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