The Partner's Role In Curing & Treating Erection Problems
 (Erectile Dysfunction)

Cure erection problems now!

No matter how much your partner loves you, you cannot expect her to put up with your erection problems for ever.

No matter how painful it may be for you to have an erection problem, there's no doubt that it is, or can be, just as painful and frustrating for your partner to have to cope with the emotional and sexual consequences of your erection problems. One of the biggest problems of partners of men who have some kind of erection problem is that they just don't know what to do about it, nor often how they can begin the process of communication about it.

The idea behind this page of the website is to offer a few pointers on how you and your partner might begin to communicate and deal with the emotional consequences of erection problems.

Basically, you (a man with erection problems) need to check your position against these criteria:

1) You need to have a problem that is amenable to be addressed by sexual therapy - not a problem so profound that you need a course of sexual psychotherapy before you can begin to deal with your erectile challenges. Such difficulties might include sexual abuse during childhood, emotional abuse by your mother, or similar abuse by another female (or even a male). Shame and guilt around sex can also be serious problems that hamper the road to recovery when you have erectile dysfunction.

2) You need to have a partner (male or female) who is ready and willing to help you overcome your erectile dysfunction. They must not have unresolved issues of their own which will get in the way of aiding you in the treatment method that is designed to cure your erection problems.

3) You need to be in a relationship that works and is likely to be strong enough to sustain you both through all the challenges that will come up as you work on the erectile dysfunction. Such problems are often the precursors to emotional issues which may surface unexpectedly and bring both partners into a very vulnerable place.

4) Both of you must be willing to recognize the problem and work on it.

Condition1 - the problem can be solved by the two of you

I suspect that any man who claims he does not know how serious his emotional problems are is deluding himself. I think we always know at some level what the cause and effect of the powerful psychodynamic forces at work in our subconscious are - and whether or not they are such as can be addressed by sexual therapy at home, between loving partners, or whether they need a professional sexual therapist to deal with them.

There's no point tacking erectile dysfunction at home with self-help treatment methods if - several months down the line - you realize that the cause of it is rooted in sexual abuse that took place when you were five years old.  Happily, there are several ways you can assess whether or not your  erection problems can be cured in this way.

As a rule of thumb, the more conscious you are of the cause of the problem, the easier it will be to solve. Needless to say, resolving erectile difficulties will take longer if you:

• are extremely anxious about not being able to get an erection
• are sexually immature or inexperienced
• are uncomfortable about masturbation
• are from a very religious background
• have other difficulties present, such as premature ejaculation or general sexual inexperience
• have a history of long term erection problems with occasional periods of sexual functioning
• really have a lack of desire for his sexual partner rather than erectile dysfunction
• have low sexual drive or libido

If you have deep seated emotional issues about love, sex and intimacy, then you may need to seek the help of a professional therapist first. Here are some parameters which you might wish to consider:

You are sexually inexperienced just because you "missed out"

Well, as long as you are relaxed about sex and have a willing partner who is happy to engage in sexual play, you shouldn't have a problem resolving this issue.

But the because of your inexperience is rooted in problems stemming from childhood

Well, of course this is more difficult, and you might want to start with an experienced sexual psychotherapist. On the other hand, if you have a loving and tolerant partner, one who does not send you into a vulnerable childhood regression when you get intimate, then you can still benefit from work at home on your erectile dysfunction.

You have sexual aversion to women

This is more challenging, and although you can work on it yourself, I'd advise seeing a sexual therapist.

Condition 2 - Your partner is free of sexual problems

A woman who has sexual problems can be very unhelpful to a man who is trying to solve his erectile dysfunction. Indeed, very often her problems are actually a part of the cause of his erectile problems. For example, if she has never had an orgasm, she may be displacing her anger and shame onto you and causing you to feel inadequate. She has to be fairly free of sexual guilt and such like issues before she is going to be able to effectively help you tackle your erectile problems.

A sexually inhibited or repressed woman who has problems with sex and intimacy is the last person you'd want to try and work through your problems with erectile dysfunction. She will not be relaxed or indeed interested in the process and will probably sabotage any progress you make to save herself the embarrassment and difficulty of dealing with her own ambivalent feelings about sex.

Note: If a woman does not have orgasms, she is not interested in sex! Orgasm do matter, regardless of how much a preorgasmic woman might claim that they are unimportant to her. And any woman who is not interested in sex will not be co-operative in investing the time and energy in solving a man's erectile problems - why should she? It's just not of any interest to her!

Furthermore, a woman who is not of interested in sex may actually find ways to make her partner come quickly, just so that the whole business is finished as readily as possible. For any man who has erectile problems, this haste is very unhelpful and will not assist him in gaining control over the problem. In either case, a woman will not have the motivation needed to help him solve his erectile dysfunction problem when it involves a series of training exercises which require time and effort.

Furthermore, as a man with a woman who is not interested in sex, there is little incentive for you to solve your erectile challenges because she isn't interested in intercourse.

The good news is that if you take responsibility for your own sexual health, it may help the woman in your life to face up to her problems and start to solve them: the same is true in reverse.

Next: other conditions which are necessary for a woman to help a man solve his erection problems.

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