More on Your Partner's Role In Curing Erection Problems

(Therapies and treatments for erectile dysfunction or impotence)

Previously: other conditions which are necessary for a woman to help a man solve his erection problems.

Condition 3: Your partner must be willing to help you work on erection problems in the way a therapist would

What this means in practice is that your partner needs to have a good relationship with you and you must be willing to work on the problem with her. Clearly this swill not go well if you aren't happy in your relationship or you don't really want to be with her or having sex with her.

If your relationship is having problems that are non-sexual, you need to work on those problems before you start dealing with your erectile problems. But it goes further than this: of your partner begins to judge you negatively because you have a sexual problem, then she is buying into the myths around male sexuality which pervade our society. You are not less of a man because you have erectile dysfunction; nor should you feel yourself to be so if you cannot have sex with your partner because of it.

It's a problem if a woman buys into the myths around male sexuality that suggest he should be ready willing and able to fuck anyone and anything at a moment's notice! Yet if she subtly considers you to be less of a man because you cannot get an erection, how will you be able to work with her on this problem? One way that you and she might be able to resolve this difficulty is for her to see a therapist who can help her to separate you as a man from your erectile failure. I'd argue that you're not even a man with a sexual problem - you're a man who is experiencing some short term erectile challenges. If she sees it differently, perhaps believing that it is part of a man's role to be more sexually expert and skilful than woman, then she is part of your problem, not the solution.

She must also be willing to put her own sexual needs aside while she helps you to overcome your erectile dysfunction. During the exercises described on this website, she is actually there to help you, not vice versa. She may be required to have sexual contact when she isn't in the mood, and she may be required not to have sexual contact when she is in the mood. She must be patient and respectful of the time it takes to work on your erectile issues. This applies both when things are going well and when they are not going so well.

Condition 4  - You must want to solve your erectile problem

If you're just not interested in solving your erection problems, then you won't have the motivation and willingness to engage with your partner in doing the exercises described on this website. and further, if you exhibit resistance to the exercises by finding excuses not to so them, or by not engaging in them whole-heartedly, then again you are unlikely to succeed in curing your erectile dysfunction.

Reasons why you might not work on your erection problems:

You might not care. This could be because you have lost interest in sex, or because you have lost interest in your partner, or because yo have some issue that seems more urgent than the sexual problem (like a health problem).

You might not think you really have a problem. If you genuinely don't see that you have a problem, then you won't feel very motivated to work on it. And oddly enough, if a man's libido diminishes in mid-life, he may lose interest in sex so much that his lack of erections doesn't bother him. One way to deal with this is to take testosterone replacement therapy, which restores libido and erections (if necessary, in conjunction with Viagra).

You think your erectile dysfunction will disappear by itself. Well, it might - but then again, it might not.  However if you are under stress from your job, from your finances, and from other sources, like family illness, then you might find that when the stress is reduced, the erection problem resolves spontaneously.

You might not want to work on erection problems with your partner because you're not committed to the relationship. This is more complicated, but if you don't feel intimate or emotionally close enough to you partner, then you may not wish to open up the issue and all that lies behind it with your current partner. (This is clearly the case if you have no erection problems with anyone but your current partner.)

You might suspect that your erectile dysfunction is related to the sexual behaviour that you and your partner engage in. If so, you may need to confront her about what it is that you  like and what it is that you don't like. If you think this may bring bigger problems into awareness, then those are the problems that perhaps need to be addressed before you start working on your erection.

You don't want to see a therapist. This might be because you see it as too embarrassing, or because you think the problem may not be solvable even if you do start to work on it. Rest assured that in the vast majority of cases, erectile dysfunction is completely curable and that any trained sexual therapist will be relaxed and comfortable to work with - no matter how embarrassed you might be.

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