Emotional and psychological causes of erection problems

(How can I find a cure for my erectile dysfunction and impotence?)

Treating serious emotional and psychological issues that can cause erection problems

Not all of us men have had ideal upbringings. Some of us have had serious psychological, emotional or even physical abuse to deal with. And some have had sexual abuse that has left them vulnerable and lacking in confidence in sexual situations. For some part of a man's life, this may not matter too much, in that he has high hormone levels, he feels sexual, he's horny and he can enjoy sex in its simplest form with a willing woman - a roll in the hay followed by a quick fuck. But as he gets older, things may change. He may find his sex drive decreases, and he needs more to get turned on - perhaps a loving touch, the caresses of his partner. If he learnt as a child that physical intimacy was dangerous or exploitative or abusive, he may not be comfortable with it as an adult. Indeed, he may flinch from his partner's touch, and he may not be able to get an erection.

Such serious problems may need the help of a professional sex therapist, though you can always work on them with the exercises given here. By the way, in case this resonates with you, such problems may affect as many as 2 million Americans. There is no shame in seeking professional help. Here is a link to the website for the The American Association of Sexuality Educators, Counselors and Therapists (AASECT), a not-for-profit, interdisciplinary professional organization for sexuality counselors and sex therapists, where you will be able to find a sex therapist to help you. In the UK, the equivalent organization is The British Association for Sexual and Relationship Therapy (BASRT). There are many useful links on their links page, including some to research organizations for erection problems.

The most common psychological causes of impotence with women

It's really all about how much a mother allows her boy to be a healthy young male. If she wants him as her emotional support, or if she abuses, ridicules, or uses him in a sexualized way, he will grow up with a distorted view of what women represent (abusive, demanding, judgmental, using him for their own ends, untrustworthy, and so on). In these circumstances, the level of anger and resentment he may have against his mother in general and women in particular may be so high that he is prevented from establishing any degree of intimacy with women. While he may be able to "fuck" them, his attitude is likely to be more about wanting to "fuck them over", and as his hormones drop as he gets older, he may find that he is less driven to seek sex with them, or that his body reveals his true feelings about the fair sex by refusing to give him an erection.

It's probably true to say that almost all relationship problems with your partner stem in some way from the early programming you received from the men and women who cared for you as a child.

If you learned that it was your role to give endlessly of yourself to your mother to support her in her emotional neediness, your emotional relationship with your partner is likely to be geared up to the same end. If you were taught that what you offered was never good enough, then your perfectionism is likely to be a predominant theme through your relationships. And if you were given to understand that your sexuality somehow was your mother's property, them you may well have problems trusting women or becoming sexually intimate with them.

I'm sure you can see how these things come about, and you may well have some sense of what it was that happened to you that is now playing some role in your difficulties with intimacy and the erection difficulties that arise from this. After all, if you were relaxed and comfortable with your partner, you could establish true intimacy and closeness. In that environment, erections tend not to be much of a problem unless there is some physical issue.

Are you secretly gay or attracted to men?

It's not unusual for little boys who are abused sexually or emotionally by women to come to the conclusion that they are safer with men - even though their father was unprotective or absent. At least he was not the one who did the overt damage! Massive amounts of rage and anger towards women generated by such childhood experiences can hide a man's basic heterosexual nature - in my opinion, in some cases so much so that he decides to live a gay lifestyle. If you fall into this category, to any degree, and you're experiencing erection problems, you might find it helpful to seek personal professional help from a sex therapist.