Prevent Erectile Dysfunction and
Prevent erectile dysfunction and cure your erection problems now
Start by developing non-sexual intimacy
One of the major causes of erectile failure (erectile dysfunction) is the fact that a man believes he has to perform to a certain standard during sex: that he must, for example, always please his partner before he pleases himself, that he must lead and take control during sex, that he must always have a full erection and satisfy his partner with vaginal intercourse before he ejaculates.
Although this is not true of all cases of erectile dysfunction, it's certainly true that in many cases, the pressure which a man puts on himself can contribute to the pressure on his penis to stay erect. This may sound simplistic, so let me explain: such performance pressure causes anxiety, and anxiety is the enemy of confident sexual power.
The nervous system which activates our anxiety responses is the opposing on to the one which activates our sexual responses: you cannot perform well at sex if you are nervous or anxious, or indeed, evolutionally aroused or stressed.
Therefore, the more anxious a man is about performance in bed, the more likely he is to lose his erection: and once this has happened, the more likely it is to happen again. But this is not the whole story of erectile dysfunction.
The situation is made more complicated by the fact that to some extent, a man can compensate for his anxiety by using practices which boost his sexual system - for example, heavy duty fantasy, or arousal which stems from the sight or sound or scent of one's partner are methods which many men unconsciously come to use to keep their sexual arousal high, even when they are experiencing high levels of anxiety, anger or resentment during sex.
What this means in practice is that a man may appear to be sexually aroused, with a hard erection, and the ability to make love, but it is in fact his own mental processes which are keeping his penis erect, not his physical arousal, which is what you actually need to be sexually satisfied.
Sure, for many years this system may keep a man in the saddle, so to speak., but inevitably as time goes by, and age has its inevitable effect on a man's sex drive, he will find that the responses of his body to this fantasy are less than they used to be....
Maybe so much so that the anxiety or other (negative) emotion he feels around sex or towards his partner may actually come to predominate his emotional state - and the end result then is that he cannot keep an erection. Or, rather that he gradually finds erectile dysfunction is creeping up on his without him realizing it - until the day when his penis refuses to co-operate during sex.
Now, men who are in this situation need to deal with erectile dysfunction by becoming more aroused in their bodies rather than their minds: by not relying on fantasy, but instead on real arousal in their bodies, they can replace the need for fantasy to keep their penis erect with a real sense of sexual arousal that naturally gives them an erection and comes from intimate interaction with their partner.
Now you have probably realized that this means a man must actually examine the emotional relationship he has with his partner and, if it has significant amounts of anger, resentment or is clouded by other negative emotions, he must effectively deal with this before he begins to search out a cure for erectile dysfunction.
As you may imagine, this is not always easy because a lot of this negative emotion is actually unconscious - that is to say, out of the man's awareness.
On the other hand, for men who are in a situation like this, and who are terrified by the loss of erection that threatens their whole sexual self-image, there is little alternative to counseling or therapy which at least addresses the relationship issues: the only alternative (and one which many men do resort to) if he wishes to keep an active sex life is to find a new partner with whom there is less emotional baggage and with whom the same level of negative emotion has not yet developed.
(I suppose another alternative is to give up sex altogether, though this is not usually an acceptable option for men in this situation - the mistress or new partner is the route which men usually take.)
So how can one deal with erectile dysfunction in this context? As I said above, the first step is probably to get some kind of therapy or counseling for the relationship, so that the emotional issues can be dealt with. The next step is to undertake a program of behavioral change so that a man can get in touch with his genuine sexual arousal: and one way of doing this is the series of exercises known as sensate focus.
It's certainly true that this does require a level of intimacy with one's partner that may be threatening to some men. However, it is the best way to get an erection back, and assuming that there are no physical causes for a man's erectile dysfunction, sensate focus is a proven and effective method of reestablishing sexual arousal and getting a man back to sexual self-confidence.
Sensate focus works through a gradual series of touching exercises, which are designed so that there is no sexual pressure. With an explicit commitment not to engage in sexual intercourse, the pressure that contributes to the erectile dysfunction is removed, and a man may quickly find that he begins to experience a new and different level of connection with his partner....one where he can appreciate her without the overlay of fear or anger that his (mistaken) belief that he must pleasure her or that her sexual satisfaction depends on him produces.
Essentially you start with an agreement to be intimate and naked, but without genital contact.
After engaging in a series of touching exercises, which in themselves can be a powerful route to understanding or discovering powerful emotions that spring from the depths of your feelings towards each other, you move on to a series of touching exercises where genital contact is permitted, though masturbation or oral sex to reach orgasm is prohibited.
These exercises, as I mentioned above, are designed to remove performance pressure, and allow a man (and his partner) to make contact with their sexual selves, physical arousal, and sexual responses.)
The next step is to engage in a series of touching exercises with genital contact and possibly masturbation to orgasm. Once again, the progress towards full sexual intercourse is paced: at every point in the sequence of events, a man must examine how aroused he is and if he finds that he begins to feel anxious, he must reduce his anxiety and bring himself back to a state of relaxation until he is once again calm and back in contact with his sexual and emotional self.
It's essentially this loss of contact with self that produces erectile dysfunction: think of the analogy of not being able to feel pain in the body. You'd never know if you'd injured yourself - and so in the process of sexual arousal, without the feedback from your body you don't know how aroused you are. Yet many men who fall into this trap are relying on fantasy to keep their penis erect, not their physical arousal - which is why they often experience what is know as the "numb-come" - the "feeling-less" orgasm: they are simply not aroused. Or, they may not come at all, or they may develop a severe case of erectile dysfunction.
Other pages on this website about erection problems, erectile dysfunction and impotence