Women's role in the onset of erection problems and erectile dysfunction

Women's role in the onset of erection problems

We have already seen some of the ways in which women can contribute to erection problems. It's worth looking at this in more detail, because without being aware of the facts, both men and women can think a problem exists where in fact there is nothing unusual happening.

First and foremost, women are not usually in any position to judge what a change in male sexuality means. This would be like a man trying to interpret the changes that his partner will go through at the time of her menopause. She would, quite rightly, resent him making judgments and assumptions about her sexuality, and the same is true in reverse.

I think this issue is compounded by the fact that the average woman will almost inevitably interpret any change in her man's sexual expression as being a reflection on her. Such, alas, is the female psyche! So, if his penis becomes less hard, she interprets it as meaning that he finds her less attractive, or perhaps that he is seeing another woman, or that she has done something wrong.

If the relationship happens to be in its early stages, and a woman begins to see a man's erectile failure as a sign that he is not attracted to her, she may begin to put pressure on him: "What's the matter?" "What have I done?" "Don't you find me attractive?" - these questions and others like them will alienate men and make them feel under even more pressure, thereby making it even more likely that they will lose their erection, and thus compounding the problem (which isn't really a problem if it's handled in the right way) even further.

A lot of couples develop a style of sex which favors the woman, even if it doesn't look like that. One of the most misleading pieces of advice in recent times has been the suggestion that "Women come first". Well, yes, it's true that many women cannot reach orgasm during intercourse, so on the face of it this advice is fair enough. It goes like this: a man must give a woman oral sex or masturbate her until she comes. Then it's his turn, and he can enjoy thrusting into her swollen and wet vagina until he ejaculates; it may not even matter if he reaches orgasm quite quickly, because she is already satisfied, having had her orgasm beforehand. Sounds good? There's only one small problem: the little matter of his erection, or, rather, the lack of it. How is he to get erect at this stage of lovemaking? There may be only one answer, and that is for her to give him a helping hand (or mouth). If the woman is selfish and refuses to do this, or doesn't know it is necessary, a couple can very quickly be back to the same old blaming game, whereby he becomes the selfish one who can't stick his cock in her when she's ready for it, and therefore obviously doesn't find her attractive - or so she thinks. Again, this is in no way a condition that can justifiably be termed erectile dysfunction.

And yet this isn't necessarily going to work for an older man - as we've already seen, he might not be able to get an erection without manual stimulation from his partner. A young man can roll around the bed with a naked woman and get an erection pretty much instantly. It's not like that for an older man.

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